Writers of Short Sentences

by Bill Alpert

Perhaps you’re old enough to remember video of John Cameron Swayze delivering the iconic Timex slogan: Takes a Licking and Keeps on Ticking. Fans of the recent TV series Mad Men were recently reminded of the classic Think Small print ad campaign for Volkswagen. Both ads were conceived and penned by the legendary copywriter Julian Koenig.

Seems like great copywriting is largely a lost art. A recent blog post by from a well known e-mail marketing company posited that “e-mail copy that sells” must include benefits, subheads, short blocks of conversational copy, a well crafted subject line, etc. All of these elements refer to form, and little falls to content. There’s nothing about reaching out to the reader with a single coherent message. Nothing about capturing the readers’ imagination. Nothing about ideas that are compelling and memorable.

And then there’s the disturbing adulation of psychological trickery in web marketing content as well as the ascent of highly paid Google AdWords strategists. All of this seems to nicely coincide with the collapse of our economic system. It’s like the dot com bubble all over again, this time accompanied by credit default swaps and insanely over-leveraged financial institutions. Lack of substance might be the appropriate words to sum things up.

In the good ol’ days, marketers were gifted writers who worked in a commercial setting. Though these writers of short sentences (a phrase credited to Mr. Koenig) weren’t revered by their peers, today one can find much to appreciate in their work. A fascinating account of the advertising world, including a contemporary interview of Mr. Koenig can be heard on a recent installment of This American Life.

Today’s e-conomy can be looked at as a house of cards. Much is free or cheap on the internet, and the temptation to do-it yourself is the order of the day. The problem is that talented graphic designers, skilled commercial artists and great copywriters (for that matter all stripes of writers) need to eat too. Ironically, their talents are needed now more than ever.

Weak Starts

These days patience runs a little thin, especially when inept telemarketers call. Actually, I’m happy to take a call from a skilled phone marketer who is respectful and brings information concerning a high value offering. It’s like hearing a concert violinist in action. Unfortunately most callers manage to annoy you before they finish a single sentence. Here are a few offending openings that don’t make the grade:

“How are you doing today?” (great ‘til you called)

“I’m going down the list” (yes, and so are the other 20 other people I hear in the background)

“May I speak to the owner” (do your homework before you call, buddy)

“I’m related to such and such company” (he/she isn’t)

“I’m calling about your credit card” (you got my home phone from Visa, and now you’re pitching me)

“I’m calling for the local firefighter fund” (which receives about .02% of the proceeds)

“I’m doing a survey” (survey the wart on my big toe, if you like)

“I’m from the local high school” (Funny, you sound 40 if you’re a day. Sorry kids, you need to do your own fundraising)

The golden rule for telemarketing still needs to be written. Perhaps its first provision should read: “do not pitch another with that which you wouldn’t want to be pitched yourself!”

Telemarketing by nature has an inherent weakness: it’s usually better if your customers call you first. That’s the value of a targeted, demographically relevant direct mail. It enables marketers to connect with their customers in a non-threatening, relationship building context. Over time, that amounts to marketing gold.