Weak Starts

These days patience runs a little thin, especially when inept telemarketers call. Actually, I’m happy to take a call from a skilled phone marketer who is respectful and brings information concerning a high value offering. It’s like hearing a concert violinist in action. Unfortunately most callers manage to annoy you before they finish a single sentence. Here are a few offending openings that don’t make the grade:

“How are you doing today?” (great ‘til you called)

“I’m going down the list” (yes, and so are the other 20 other people I hear in the background)

“May I speak to the owner” (do your homework before you call, buddy)

“I’m related to such and such company” (he/she isn’t)

“I’m calling about your credit card” (you got my home phone from Visa, and now you’re pitching me)

“I’m calling for the local firefighter fund” (which receives about .02% of the proceeds)

“I’m doing a survey” (survey the wart on my big toe, if you like)

“I’m from the local high school” (Funny, you sound 40 if you’re a day. Sorry kids, you need to do your own fundraising)

The golden rule for telemarketing still needs to be written. Perhaps its first provision should read: “do not pitch another with that which you wouldn’t want to be pitched yourself!”

Telemarketing by nature has an inherent weakness: it’s usually better if your customers call you first. That’s the value of a targeted, demographically relevant direct mail. It enables marketers to connect with their customers in a non-threatening, relationship building context. Over time, that amounts to marketing gold.